Author Archives: abstractviews

The Rite kinda sucks tit.  Slow, boring, and the only scary thing is maybe the artwork on the disk container.

It’s the story of a emotionally crippled younf man with parent issues, you is too weak willed to live his own life, so he becomes a priest to make his weird father happy.  The Church realizes he has no faith at all so they train him to become a exorcist.  Totally makes sense, doesn’t it?

That is the whole plot.  And of course you add some crazy women that puke a few nails, cause that’s what real possessed people do, not pea soap.

The only thought provoking issue in this movie is why Anthony Hopkins would want to be associated with this shallow and weak film.

4/10

Your Highness is a perverted spoof of medieval, fantasy and maybe even a bit or science fiction flims.  James Franco plays a goody two shoes prince that can do no wrong, on constant quests with his loyal knights.  And the movie revolves around his quest to save his true love with his loser brother.

James Franco’s British accent sounds very strange.  In fact it sounds more like he’s doing an impression of Mike Myers’ fake English accent as Austin Powers.  But maybe that was his intention.  I found his bad accent more distracting than believable or entertaining.

It’s a fun rump, but for adults only, as their is considerable swearing and constant sexual humour.

7/10

I’m rating this one a little higher than I might have otherwise, only because it’s very visually pleasing to watch, and has an unusual flare.  It’s an unique re-telling of the classic Little Red Riding Hood children’s storey.

Gary Oldman plays the twisted villian as he always does so well.  Most every other actor in this tale is hardly worth noticing other than for perhaps they are attractive.  Other than that this movie is not about great acting in the least.  And I suppose since it’s meant to be based on a fairly tale, they felt license to use an odd mix of styles, ethnic backgrounds, accents, and props.  Making the storey somewhat disjointed to follow since this things stand out in your mind and make you question how this goes together.

I enjoyed it cause it was unique and the scenery was beautiful.  Other than that, it’s Gary Oldman, and a few pretty faces that carry this one along.  If not for that it would be a 4 or 5 at best.

7/10

This is an excellent chick-flick.  Fairly predictable of course, but entertaining.  Just the right amount of sappy crap to almost make you momentarilly sad, but light hearted enough to not keep us there too long.  And it doesn’t hurt or leading man is hot.  It’s general appeal makes it watchable by most.

9/10

Bank robbers being chased by a cop.  Pretty generic in general.  Well made Hollywood style movie with lots of action that will hold your attention. 

Nothing really wrong with this movie.  It’s a good watch.  Just one of those movie you enjoy at the time, and 2 weeks later can’t remember ever watching it, and if you were to see it again, may not even remember it till you are part way through.

Just another cookie cutter Hollywood action movie.

6/10

A sequel to Death Race, which was a remake of the classic Death Race 2000. 

This movie is poor at best.  You could watch a worse movie, but why bother when you can close your eyes and pick any movie at random that would likely be better than this.

4/10

The storey of the tyranny of King John after his signing of the Magna Carta.

It’s a very good medieval tale.  Rather gory at times.  And you get a bit of a history leason while you watch.  Assuming of course they did their homework before making the movie.  Personally I don’t know the actual history of this particular situation, so I’ll assume they told it reasonably accurately, and if so, it was well done.

7/10

To sum it up, it’s the storey about how heaven controls the timeline of human society.

It has the taste of a spy movie to it.  Where the spy is running from the man.  Basically the exact same plot as most films Matt Damon makes.  Be a rebel, get in trouble, run for your life, yadda, yadda.  When did he last star in a movie where this wasn’t his character?

It’s completely forgettable.  An okay watch, fairly pridictable.  Watch, don’t watch it, it will kill some time if you’re bored.

6/10

What do you get when you take a grey alien and give him a human personality and voice?  Paul.

It starts off slow and you wonder what you are going to end up sitting through.  But before long you can’t look away.  It’s a lot of fun, and far funnier and entertaining than you would have expected.  If you are a sci-fi fan and like comedy, you will love this movie.

9/10

Apparently based on the true storey of lost honour in the Roman army.  Our hero (played by the hot Channing Tatum) spends his life striving to recover his family’s honour.

It’s a good storey, told fairly well, with reasonable acting I suppose, but far from great acting from any single character.  The whole movie is lacking something and plods along.  I think Channing Tatum carries the movie, not based on his great acting skills, simply by presence, as well does your interest in the storey itself.

7/10