Author Archives: abstractviews

A made for TV movie based, intended as a sequel to a old movie of the same name, from 1984. The premise being that the US military lost a battleship in a secret experiment designed to make ships invisible to radar.

The original movie starred Michael Paré, a popular and active B-series actor, who was probably better known in the 80’s than today. I saw the original movie in 1984, and found it at the time quite enjoyable. He has a very small role in this sequel/remake as a different (and forgettable) character.

This also stars a well known character actor (Nicholas Lea) that played a double agent in the X-Files who ended up being the carrier for the black oil space creature. So fans of the X-Files will be quite familiar with him.

This movie is so low budget, the sherif in this thing wears blue jeans and has long curly hair, neither I would think would be acceptible for a sherif to get away with. I guessthey simply couldn’t afford the pants to match the fake police officer shirt. Sad!

The 2012 version of The Philadelphia Experiment is real really bad, low budget and poorly acted and written. It’s always sad when decent movies have poor remakes or sequels that falls short of the original, and only cloud the name and memory of movies we like.

4/10

Lockout is a futuristic action drama about a transcripted military guy in trouble with the law, and forced to rescue the president’s daughter. Sounds a lot like the plot for Escape from New York, doesn’t it?

Unfortunately Lockout is disappointing. Our would-be hero (played by Guy Pearce) is good looking and muscular, but has zero personality. The character is so flat we don’t really care if he lives or dies. The movie itself is well done, but the camera work leaves a lot to be desired. There are a lot of blurred panning and scenes where you wish the camera would zoom in or zoom back, it simply doesn’t feel right based on what we have come to expect in viewing a good movie. The special effects and scenery are all great, but the actors don’t bring this tale to life, and the just comes across poorly. This movie could have been a lot better.

6/10

Hijacked is a really bad and seriously boring movie about this guy that tries to avert a cash-grab hijacking of a rich guys private jet. And the whole movie is played by poorly trained unattractive and unknown actors.

This movie is so bad and difficult to follow, you absolutely do not want to watch it! It has no redeeming qualities at all.

3/10

The Double is an under-whelming spy drama starring Richard Gere and Topher Grace (well known for his days on The 70’s Show.)

The best thing about this movie is that it is not 100% predictable, and that helps us deal with the slow monotonous plot. There really is nothing overly good or bad to tout about this show, other than it has the feel of a straight to cable movie.

5/10

Mars Needs Moms is a Disney movie about a young boy that saves his mom from Martian kidnappers.

Visually it has the look and feel of a Tron like world, with occasional scenery that reminds us of the underground of The Matrix.

Oh ya, it also has racist undertones, so in my opinion, not the best flic for your kids to watch if you care about this sort of thing.

How is it racist? The good guys are all average American white folk. The bad people are Martians, but the Martians are all Asians that look like Mutant Ninja Turtle bugs with Asian eyes and accents. The Asian Martian men are all stupid goofy characters, and the Asian Martian women are stereotypes, right down to the their voices in English not matching the mouth movements at times, like in old badly voiced over movies. And one other interesting fact is the Martians discover a lost ancient artifact with an image of them, and they look much more round eyed in their past when they were happy well adjusted normal families. And now they have stereotypical Asian eyes, since they are now evil kidnapping Amazonian Asian Martians.

I love racist humour and see nothing wrong with it when it’s done right, like with South Park for example. The racism in this movie is somewhat subtle, but I feel done in poor taste, and that’s based on a person that has no problem with raciest humour in proper context. I would be curious to see what a person sensitive to these things would say. Regardless, if this was intended to be a kids movie, shouldn’t it be less black and white to the kids than white people good, Asian people bad until they see the light and are modernized to white American family ways?

6/10

A silly predictable romantic comedy about a couple that falls in love after working together for years.

If you were to imagine Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler in a remake of The Brady Bunch Goes To Hawaii, you would be able picture this exact movie. If that turns your movie watching crank, then Just Go With It.

5/10

A poorly named off-beat comedy about two groups of bungling bank robbers, and a mysterious stranger that happens to be at the bank at the wrong time.

Patrick Dempsey plays the mysterious stranger. And Ashley Judd plays his love interest. At first watch this movie is quite appealing, but as it proceeds it becomes less so, till it’s incredibly annoying towards the end.

I felt our struggling story tellers were trying very hard to recapture the feel of a classic comedy by the name of Clue, based on the famous board game. Clue is a cult classic from 1985, and in my opinion one of the best comedies ever made. I’ve seen it many times, and know it well. And this sad piece of Flypaper has no hope in hell of coming close to giving us the same complex Clue shenanigans.

As for our stars, I’m not sure I’ve ever been impressed with Patrick Dempsey in any role, he is one of those actors that baffle me in his fame. Yet Ashley Judd seems to pull off most of her roles with grace.

As a whole, I was extra disappointed since the movie started off so well and promising.

5/10

Sometimes you simply have to turn your head, ignore the dying bird that just hit the window and walk away. This movie is the dying bird with the broken neck. Meaning it’s time to stop making these American Pie sequels.

It’s well made, and nothing wrong with the acting, camera work, production, etc. The story is simply tired and these actors are over the hill for a drunk teenager film, and it doesn’t work. They are trying to take advantage of this fact, the characters all grown up and too old for teenage parties and pranks. And they even point it out in the movie, and yet they do it anyway, like we don’t care. What we don’t care about is seeing another American Pie sequel. Yet I predict there will be another. Even sadder and more pathetic than this one.

This movie also has too much swearing. Not that swearing bothers me, but you know that friend you have, that always swears too much and at the wrong times, and it gets really annoying but you don’t want to say anything cause it will be awkward? Well that is the feeling you get from watching this movie.

5/10

This scene is where he slams his penis in his laptop, cause his kid walked in and saw him jerking off to porn. Then they show a close up of blood on his underwear, cause his cock is bleeding. All while his 4 year old watches. Yes, that’s the fabulous humour you get to see in this hilarious movie. The proud actor he must be.

A fun romantic comedy, where a computer geek falls for the head-hunter that drags him to NYC.

Completely predictable, yet fun, entertaining, with beautiful New York City background scenery. Yet there isn’t a lot of notable things to say about this movie. Justin Timberlake takes his shirt off a lot, and shows his ass. He’s not a great actor, just okay, so it’s always good when he takes his shirt off a lot. Oh ya, Mila Kunis is very pretty too. And she is a decent actor.

If you’re in the mood for a mindless fun romantic comedy, this is definitely doable.

7/10