Monthly Archives: July 2012

American Reunion (2012)

Sometimes you simply have to turn your head, ignore the dying bird that just hit the window and walk away. This movie is the dying bird with the broken neck. Meaning it’s time to stop making these American Pie sequels.

It’s well made, and nothing wrong with the acting, camera work, production, etc. The story is simply tired and these actors are over the hill for a drunk teenager film, and it doesn’t work. They are trying to take advantage of this fact, the characters all grown up and too old for teenage parties and pranks. And they even point it out in the movie, and yet they do it anyway, like we don’t care. What we don’t care about is seeing another American Pie sequel. Yet I predict there will be another. Even sadder and more pathetic than this one.

This movie also has too much swearing. Not that swearing bothers me, but you know that friend you have, that always swears too much and at the wrong times, and it gets really annoying but you don’t want to say anything cause it will be awkward? Well that is the feeling you get from watching this movie.

5/10

This scene is where he slams his penis in his laptop, cause his kid walked in and saw him jerking off to porn. Then they show a close up of blood on his underwear, cause his cock is bleeding. All while his 4 year old watches. Yes, that’s the fabulous humour you get to see in this hilarious movie. The proud actor he must be.

Friends with Benefits (2011)

A fun romantic comedy, where a computer geek falls for the head-hunter that drags him to NYC.

Completely predictable, yet fun, entertaining, with beautiful New York City background scenery. Yet there isn’t a lot of notable things to say about this movie. Justin Timberlake takes his shirt off a lot, and shows his ass. He’s not a great actor, just okay, so it’s always good when he takes his shirt off a lot. Oh ya, Mila Kunis is very pretty too. And she is a decent actor.

If you’re in the mood for a mindless fun romantic comedy, this is definitely doable.

7/10

Mini Cycle Idiot

Yesterday I’m heading out on some errands, and as I turn onto Morray, I hear a screaming little engine, I look left onto the bridge and some idiot on one of those mini-motorcycles is racing down the street, swerving back and forth across two of the three lanes like a child on a new bike. Not out of control, just being an ass. All the while there is traffic all around. So he passes me and he ends up at the Morray and Portage intersection, where I take this bad pic with my phone through my dirty windshield.

My first thoughts were, those can’t be legal on the road, and even if they were he’s driving like an idiot and is dangerous. Ya I know, I’m grown up and boring. Look at this guy, he’s easily 6’2″ on this tiny thing.

So he turns the corner onto Portage and immediately crosses 3 lanes cutting traffic off with this thing pinned. Just after this I hear a very loud POP. I figure he blew the motor. I look over and his back tire blew, and the back end of the “bike” is swinging back and forth all over the place, like what normally happens when a tire goes completely flat at speed. He manages to stay up and rolls to a stop in the parking lot at the bank on the corner.

Had this happened a minute earlier on the Morray bridge when I first saw him, where the speed limit is 80km/hr, while he was purposely weaving back and firth across lanes at this things top speed, he would have been a road smear and likely ran over. All with not even a helmet on.

Ahhh shucks! I was that close to nominating someone (with my own pics) for the Darwin Awards! Disappointing? I’m sure the idiot will kill himself another day. Let’s hope he doesn’t take one of us with him.

Wrath of the Titans (2012)

The sequel to the remake of Clash of the Titans. It basically sucks…whatever you personally say you don’t like to suck.

The Greek gods in this movie are either old or out of shape. Who wants to see a Greek god story where the gods don’t even look as good as the humans they are supposed to be controlling. And Sam Worthington (our hero Perseus) looks scrawnier and in poorer shape than he did in the last Titans movie. What’s that about?! For what they pay stars these days in big releases, I’m sure he could have hired a personal trainer to get him to bulk up a little for the part. And if not, the studio definitely should have. Isn’t that what actors do for a living, work to convince us they are the person in the role they play?

That isn’t the only thing wrong with this movie, it’s simply kind of blah, no heart, a completely predictable story line, and generally boring. You don’t care about any of the characters, good or bad. And the big bad villain is a giant molten non-descriptive creature that moves at the pace of the movie. You will sit there bored waiting for the this thing to move and do something mean, while the idiot humans wait to die in the process. Gees people, it’s literally supposed to be a moving mountain, you have time to get to the next city, don’t just stand there!

As far as the quality of CGI and quantity of action scenes, you won’t be disappointed. So it has that going for it, but that about it. Enjoy!

4/10

Straw Dogs (2011)

Straw Dogs is a modest thriller, where a city outsider isn’t accepted by the locals of a red-neck town in the deep south. His new wife brings him back to her home town, where she was “well liked” by the local boys. And he discovers she is not the person he thought she was.

The most interesting thing about this movie, is that they have pulled together quite a few noticeable and talented actors from popular TV series and movies. So at least we aren’t having to tolerate the usual lot of no-bodies as we generally do in your typical B style films.

The first half of the movie is annoyingly slow. There are holes in the storey here and there, that don’t help pull the whole thing together, and leaves you asking many questions. It could have been a far better movie by moving the first hour along and making it more interesting. I can only assume the writers thought they were building suspense. However, it is possible to build suspense without putting half your audience to sleep. But I’d guess they couldn’t afford that level of writing after spending their budget on good actors.

5/10