Batteries of the Sahara Madras

By | 2010-07-08
Polarity?  We don’t need no STINKING polarity!

How man times have you curled up in the foetal position and cried yourself to sleep cause you couldn’t figure out which way to put the batteries into a toy for your child at xmas time?  Well no more!  There is now a solution which will drastically improve your life.

I’ve heard that Microsoft owns the patent to a circuit that can be built into a battery, where by it determines the positive flow of DC electricity.  So you don’t have to know which end of the battery is positive and negative. They will apparently license this technology royalty free.  I assume that means no charge for the use per battery sale, but I’m sure a healthy license charge up front.  I’ve heard that Duracell will be the first to market with these new magical batteries.  The sources I’ve heard this from are heralding this as one of the greatest inventions ever.

Okay, so when did our society become so sad and pathetic that someone had to invent this to improve our quality of life?  Oh ya, around the same time that most people joined FaceBook and Twitter no doubt.

I have a few more inventions for the people on FaceBook…I mean the people that need to purchase polarity-less batteries:

How about a knife with two sharp ends, so they don’t have to know which end is the handle and which end is sharp.  They can grab either end real tight.  Or better yet, a knife that has a handle at each end, so they don’t have to worry about hurting themselves.

Books with blank pages, so these people don’t have to worry about which end to start from, or which side is up.  When you are this stupid, you are too freaking dumb to read anyway.

How do you market this concept to people this ‘tarded so they can tell the difference from a normal battery and the magic batteries?

Am I the only person on the planet that thinks that some “inventions” are just too stupid for humanity?  That some things in life are so basic that you should have certain base comprehensive abilities as to know which end of a pen to use, or how to put a battery into a device?  Do we really want people so freaking stupid being able to put batteries into their kids toys at xmas, reproducing in the first place?  Maybe I should Twitter my 5 followers, or ask my 3 friends on FaceBook and find out.

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