Author Archives: abstractviews

Straw Dogs is a modest thriller, where a city outsider isn’t accepted by the locals of a red-neck town in the deep south. His new wife brings him back to her home town, where she was “well liked” by the local boys. And he discovers she is not the person he thought she was.

The most interesting thing about this movie, is that they have pulled together quite a few noticeable and talented actors from popular TV series and movies. So at least we aren’t having to tolerate the usual lot of no-bodies as we generally do in your typical B style films.

The first half of the movie is annoyingly slow. There are holes in the storey here and there, that don’t help pull the whole thing together, and leaves you asking many questions. It could have been a far better movie by moving the first hour along and making it more interesting. I can only assume the writers thought they were building suspense. However, it is possible to build suspense without putting half your audience to sleep. But I’d guess they couldn’t afford that level of writing after spending their budget on good actors.

5/10

I don’t think anyone really needs a plot breakdown for a movie called Treasure Island.

This reincarnation is pathetic. I gave it a try mainly cause Donald Sutherland is listed in the credits, who most people would consider an excellent actor. But he has only a brief cameo in this turd of a film. It turns out this version is a British made for TV, two parter. It’s poorly acted, incredibly boring, not the least bit scenic, confusing, and the whole movie looks dirty like it’s been shot through a greasy lens or just slightly out of focus. Perhaps it was someone’s brilliant idea to make it seem rustic.

I’ve seen better films made by the CBC here in Canada, and that isn’t saying much. So in the realm of government sponsored history films made by the British Colonies, this one ranks up there with some of the worst. So it’s in good company.

Needless to say, do not press record, do not rent, do not download. If possible, press delete.

3/10

Note: The frame of the map was the most appealing image I could find to share from the movie.

Roll several Jules Verne novel concepts into a single modern day plot, make it elementary level and G-rated, and you have The Mysterious Island.

The movie is juvenile and ridiculously unbelievable even for a kids fantasy show. The images, like the fake jungle, are pristine, so it’s pretty and colourful to look at, and entertaining on a fairly low level. I would say it’s intended for 3 to 12 year olds.

It’s a 5 and easy to watch. So if you like fantasy films, have low expectations, and want something totally mindless to watch and maybe snooze to, this is up your alley. All that being said, it’s well done for what it is.

5/10

For the younger crowd, or the people not paying attention, this is a movie remake of the 80’s pop TV series that kicked off Johnny Depp‘s career. The original TV series was a serial “drama” of young looking cops that infiltrate schools. This is an offbeat comedy based on the same plot, including a cameo from Depp, and that other guy that also starred in the series, but had much less success. Okay the “other guy” is Peter DeLuise, who’s most notable role (for me) since was on the short lived and underrated TV series Seaquest.

Our comedy remake Jump Street is quite entertaining, especially for those that saw or enjoyed the original. You can’t really appreciate a satire when you aren’t familiar with what they are making fun of. But the bumbling humour should be easily appreciated by newcomers alike.

8/10

Ridley Scott did right by Alien fans with this prequel. If you’ve seen the Alien movies and enjoyed them, you will certainly appreciate this. Even if you haven’t seen the others, the movie is written like a good novel in a series, where it can be read out of sequence and still enjoyed on it’s own.

I have to say that it is not better than Aliens, which is a Sci-Fi classic. And no one in this movie can hold a candle to Sigourney Weaver. So not the best of all the series, but a definite second.

No spoilers here, but you may or may not guess the events as they unfold, unless someone has ruined it for you. Few movies are even the least unpredictable these days, but Ridley pulls it off. A Sci-Fi must see.

10/10

The Smurfs movie brought back childhood memories, and was fun to watch. If you don’t know what the Smurfs are, or didn’t like them as a child, you won’t appreciate this movie on any level. But they do briefly explain Smurf history in the show, in story terms.

It’s extremely well done animation wise, good acting, and a storyline good enough to hold our attention – at least on a Smurf level.

The best part of the movie by far is the Gargamel character played in person by Frank Azaria, an amazing comedic actor. He and his character makes the show and worth watching. Without him this movie would be preschool dribble.

6/10

If a movie could be compared to a meal, this one would be a plate of candy floss with a glass of honey, and maybe a bowl of sugar for dessert. Yes, The Good Witch’s Family is icky sticky sweet. Made for TV, it’s a cross between an old Disney movie and an after-school special, but much sweeter.

It was somewhat painful to watch, as the low budget grade acting is quite bad other than the female lead. As far as witchcraft goes, it’s almost nonexistent, it’s more like spells of wishful thinking, nice thoughts and glossy smiles. The only magic here is the sincerity in the smiles and good nature that Catherine Bell exudes throughout the movie, making it hard not to stare at her in…puzzlement perhaps, wondering who could possibly be that nice. But she makes us believe she could be. She’s a decent actor and very pretty, but her wardrobe (I suppose intended to give her a witchy/mysterious aura) was a tad weird in some scenes.

3/10

A light hearted low budget movie about an out of work loveable loser that has no goals in life. His one talent is for having a big wang. So his friends encourage him to become an escort.

There is very little in the way of eye candy in this rump, male or female, which is odd for an escort style tale. One of the highlights is Morgan Fairchild. Who doesn’t love the prettiest bitchy character-actor around? She is always enjoyable to watch. Other than that it’s an okay light comedy. It’s just too bad there are so many unattractive people in the same show.

5/10